


Grassycheesecake's FFN wip dump

by grassycheesecake



Category: D.Gray-man, Homestuck
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24853324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grassycheesecake/pseuds/grassycheesecake
Summary: Ever read the first two chapters of an otherwise abandoned DGM au on Fanfiction.net? Was it 2014, 15, or 16? Was that first chapter weird as shit? If the answer to any of these is yes, you may have read my writing. If that weird, abandoned, mid '10s fic was by THEAllenxLenalee or Yammyg123, you definitely read my writing. I am sorry.This is an archive of all those first chapters.This is mostly here for my own desire to round up all my old ideas in one place, but if you'd like to poke around and read, feel free. Some of it's interesting, if a bit poorly written.Ship tags and things like that will be in chapter descriptions :).





	1. A Brief Look Into the Beauty That is Life-Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of an old Allena fic. It features Dancer/college student Lenalee and Homeless Allen. The Lenalee half of this chapter was originally posted September 27th, 2014. The Allen half was added sometime in 2016.
> 
> Tags/warnings: Allen Walker/Lenalee Lee, first person pov, a fairly indelicate handling of homeless people in winter, hospitals
> 
> Original summary: One, a young dancer searching for a way to fly. Two, a young man searching for an escape from poverty. Three, a small shop that bridges the chasm between two very different worlds. contains quite a bit of allenalee (allenxlenalee)

"One two three," I whisper to myself, the rhythm of ten thousand hours of practice drilled into my head. "One two three" as I tie the ribbons around my legs. "One two three," as I stretch out, and prepare myself. "One two three," as I clench my teeth and rise up onto my toes.

"One two three," I'm dancing, and there is no music. I know the routine too well to need it. I see ten thousand carbon copies of myself flash through the corners of my eyes. My hair wraps around me as I spin.

"One two three," I abandon my routine, and dance for the simple pleasure of dancing. A hand reaches to my head, and I un-clip my hair, letting it flow rivers around me. I step out of one turn and into another, never stopping. I'll be dizzy when I stop, and If I spin without stopping much longer it will hurt my feet, but I've stopped caring.

"One two three, One two three," I let my momentum of my movements carry me back towards the center of the room, and settle into an even pattern. For two beats each time, my eternity of clones in the mirror spiral past. For just one beat, I stop spinning and throw myself into the next turn.

"Step two three, step two three." I say the pattern out loud and let the monotony of repetition bring my mind slowly closer to reality. With one final turn I'm in the center of the studio once again. Then my body stops spinning, but the rest of the world doesn't. I collapse to the floor, and stare into the spiraling lights that are fixed into the spinning ceiling. My head hurts.

* * *

"One two three, one two three," I lock into the speed of the throbbing behind my eyes. The familiar rhythm slows the rotating world to a stop. The throbbing slows and then disappears completely, leaving me with only the beating of the words in my mind. "One two three."

"One two three," I whisper familiar words to myself as I try to assure that I am living. "One," breathe in; "two," feel my heartbeat, "three," breathe out. This simple rhythm keeps me alive, keeps my mind wide and awake. I know I'm finished if I fall asleep. It's much too cold and much too late to sit outside unmoving for that long. I need to keep the one two three, my simple three step waltz of life.

"One two three" I smile when the music starts in the building above me. It's classical, and I think it's a waltz. The three beat lines up with my repeated words. "One two three."

"One two three" I pull my scarf tighter as I watch the girl upstairs dance. The windows are small, but I can tell from glimpses that it's some kind of dance studio, and that there's a beautiful girl there.

"One two three," I think the music was lulling me to sleep, but I still can't be happy it stopped. It looks like the girl is still dancing though. She was probably just warming up before. 


	2. A Brief Look Into the Beauty That is Life-Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 (and the only other part) of this particular Allena fic.
> 
> Nothing new in terms warnings really, just be prepared for a bit of rapid perspective jumping and a never resolved cliffhanger.

I wake up to a scream. There's a beautiful woman looming over me, her face the image of concern. There's a moment of mutual shock, and then she shrieks again. I try to stand and try to calm her, but I'm too weak even to stand. Instead, I give her a wry smile and say, "think you could call me some help? I'm afraid I may be dying."

"Right." She seems a little less panicked now, which is good. I watch her fumble with her phone, and her fingers shake as she dials 911. Even in this state, she's lovely. Her face gives off this impression of an incredible kindness, which of course only adds to her beauty. I smile as the world fades out again.

Lenalee~

I wring my hands nervously as I sit by the hospital bed. The boy in it is unconscious and hooked up to an IV. The doctors told me he was starving. I hadn't realized when I first saw him, but he's bone thin. I'm just glad I found him when I did.

"nnnn"

I jump, startled, and yell for a nurse. The boy's eyes flutter open for a moment, but he winces them shut when he sees the light. I stand and put my hand on his to assure him. "The nurse is coming."

He moans. "Am I in a hospital?"

"How observant of you."

"Shit. I can't pay for this."

"That should not be your first concern when you wake up in a hospital bed."

Before he could respond, the nurse came in and ushered me out. She said that visiting hours were over and I'd simply have to come back the next day.

Allen~

Once I regained consciousness fully, the nurse insisted on questioning me. Apparently I had passed out from exposure, but she was more concerned about me weight. I had to explain that, yes, I am completely sure I'm not anorexic one time too many. I'm just poor, homeless, and too proud to steal or go to a shelter. She frowned when I said homeless.

"Sorry, I'm not entirely sure how I'm gonna pay for this either. Wasn't my idea."

Her eyes softened a bit. "Don't worry kid. I think you'll find that won't be a problem." She flashed a knowing smile and walked out of the room.

Alone with my thoughts, I felt myself slipping back into my usual rhythm. I listened to the slow, steady beeping of the medical equipment. The slow pace soon lulled me to sleep as I counted one... two... three.

I wake up in the morning to the girl from the day before sitting by my bed. Her face lights up when she sees me. God she's pretty

"Morning sleepyhead." She smiles. I look away, my face growing hot. Thankfully, I seem to have regained my strength overnight as I manage to push myself up into a sitting position. Looking back to her with a quizzical look, I have to ask,

"Who... are you?"

"Right, sorry. I'm Lenalee Lee, the girl who found you passed out in an alley."

"Sorry we had to meet lilke that. I've never actually passed out before."

"It's fine, just don't do it again." There is laughter in her voice, I'm greatful to find.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I roll her name around in my head. It felt vaguely familiar, as though it was tied to some distant memory. Just as I surrender to the fact that I'm not going to figure it out, it comes to me. I'm suddenly thrown back to high school, talking about girls with a gang of other boys. One of them brings up the name Lenalee, the rich and pretty sister of the chairman of the city's university. Gorgeous, wealthy, and slightly older, she was our perfect girl without a doubt.

Back in reality, I look up at the real live perfect girl sitting next to me. The fact that she was still there made her even more perfect. She's gorgeous, wealthy, older, and impossibly kind.

"Hey uh..."

"Yes?" she jumps and looks down at me.

"You wouldn't happen to be the Lenalee Lee would you?"

"The one and only." Her expression dropped a bit. "I guess I should've figured you'd recognize me."

Before I could reply, the nurse bustled into the room. Beaming, she announced, "Allen Walker, you're free to go." I sighed with relief and set about switching my hospital gown for some proper clothing. Being back in my old rags was both disappointing and comforting.

Outside the room, I'm shocked to find Lenalee leaning against the wall and holding the scarf she gave me. We stop and stare at each other. I'm frozen with shock and her face is made of pure determination. She steps forward and puts her scarf around my neck once again. "Don't try to fight it, you're coming home with me."


	3. Why I Love Yuu Chapter 1-Prank Calls and Pretty Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's a yulma fic, and honestly, it's still pretty funny all things considered. It's the beginning of Kanda and Alma's relationship feat. a lot of stupid sex jokes and Lavi being an idiot in the background. I think this fic was eventually meant to end in them being forced to break up and/or one of them getting super sick? I honestly cannot remember what was up with that. 
> 
> This chapter was originally posted July 18, 2015.
> 
> tags/warnings: Yuu Kanda/Alma Karma, rated t for a lot of swearing and sex jokes, alma's thirsty af, first person pov, alternate universe: modern day, set the summer when they're between high school and college, alternate universe: no magic/black order/innocence
> 
> Original summary: One day Alma Karma is talked into making a prank call. That prank call leads to a near death experience or two, and then to the love of his life. Too bad that love is a massive ass, but the heart wants what it wants. This is the story of Alma Karma and Yuu Kanda.

"Hello? Is this Jim's whore house?"

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW YOURSELF YOU SHITHOLE"

"Wait what? Oh god man you got double pranked I'm so sorry for you."

"WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON WHO THE HELL PUT YOU UP TO THIS?"

"Wait no look guy this is all a big misunderstanding! Someone put your number on a bathroom wall with 'Jim's whore house' written under it. My friend thought it would be funny to call and mess with whoever was on the other end."

"And who the hell is this friend?"

"What oh he's just a guy you don't know him. His name is Lavi. Please don't hurt-"

"LAAAAVIIIII!"

The guy on the other end slammed the phone down, and I heard Lavi gulp behind me. By the time I turned around he was halfway to the door. Some guy with a ponytail was ripping down the street on a motorcycle, heading straight toward Lavi. I watched in awe and horror as he swerved onto my lawn (my mom was gonna freak), lept off of his bike, tackled Lavi, and pressed a sword up to his neck. I stood awestruck for a moment, and then decided to take Lavi's panicked squealing as my sign to tackle the phone guy.

I threw myself at him with all of my weight, and jammed my shoulder into his side as we fell. We rolled across the lawn, and I somehow managed to get a hand on his sword. I threw it into the bushes, and pinned the strangers hands down on the lawn. We spent a few breathless seconds staring at each other, sizing each other up.

His shirt didn't leave much to the imagination. It was skin tight and sleeveless, so I could see in maybe a bit too much detail how muscular he was. I'm no wimp either, but it was still impressive. His hair was long and dark. His eyes glared even darker than his hair, but the rest of his face was pretty handsome. If I'm being honest, he was completely gorgeous (for a crazy person anyway).

I could have stayed like that for hours, with some beautiful stranger pinned down under me. Unfortunately he had other ideas. I let myself grin a little, and he took that as a sign to kick me in the gut and shove me off of him.

Both Lavi and I stared awestruck as he stormed back to his bike and grabbed the handles. He grunted something about coming back for his sword the next day without bothering to turn around. Then he swung a leg over the seat, revved the engine, and shot off back the way he had come.

After ensuring the stranger hadn't broken anything when he kicked me, I turned to Lavi and asked the obvious question. "Dude, who the hell was that?"

He winced and grinned. "That would be Kanda. He's my other, significantly less friendly best friend."

"One more thing Lavi."

"Yeah?"

"Are you the one who put Kanda's number in that bathroom?"

He flinched and grinned even wider. "yeah it was me, hence my recent near death experience."

My name is Alma Karma, and this is the story of how I met, loved, and lost my boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was the first time I opened this fic since probably 2016 at the latest, and jesus fuck did that opening catch me off guard. Congrats 15-year-old me. You made yourself laugh half a decade in the future. 
> 
> Honestly, though the writing is bad, the ideas/joke concepts still hold up


	4. Why I Love Yuu Chapter 2-In Which Alma Makes Sex Jokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2/the rest of this Yulma fic. No new notes/warnings. 
> 
> This chapter was originally published November 7, 2015

I woke up the next morning to the sound of someone pounding on the front door. My parents had long since left for work, and no mom would knock that loudly anyway. I yawned as I opened the door. To my surprise, the handsome stranger from last night was standing on the porch and glowering at me.

I looked up at his eyes, and gave him my best grin. "Hi!"

"Where's my sword?" It looked like my smile wasn't having any effect.

"In the bushes I think." I flashed my flirtiest expression this time. "Your name is Kanda right?"

He whipped his head to the side the second his eyes met mine. "Just get the fucking sword."

"Why don't you get it."

"I am not crawling around in some random dweeb's bushes."

Here was my chance to reel him in. "Then I'll stop being some random dweeb. My name is Alma Karma and I would like to nominate myself as your new best friend and or boyfriend." I stuck out my hand and grinned as wide as me face would let me.

"Fuck you." I just wasn't getting anywhere. At least he hadn't flinched at the word boyfriend. That was always a good sign.

"Fine whatever I'll get your stupid sword." I stepped fully out onto the doorstep, and Kanda (pretty sure his name was Kanda) smirked.

"Sure you wanna crawl around in the bushes like that?" His eyes swept up and down my body. I then realized that I was still in my pajamas. Pajamas that were actually just the My Little Pony boxers that Lavi bought me for my 18th birthday. Dorky as they may be, you can't beat comfort after a long night of almost being killed with a sword.

"I uhhh..." things were getting very stupid very quickly." I'll be right back!" If I'm being honest, I sounded like a flustered anime schoolgirl.

I then slammed the door in prettyboy's face and sprinted off to find some clothes. After a minute, I returned to the porch in sweatpants and a tank top. Bare arms aren't ideal for crawling through bushes, but I wanted to show off a bit too. Mr. handsome stranger seemed to have a fondness for tight shirts. To elaborate, his shirts outlined each and every intricate detail of his numerous muscles. You can't blame me for wanting to show a little skin.

I returned to the porch and grinned.

"get searching."

"Geez buddy! You sure are eager to see me bent over." A last little bit of fun wouldn't hurt.

"Fuck off dickbag." He was making a face like I had just ordered him to fuck a cheesecake or something. The joke was definitely not that bad. Was it?

"Whatever you want bud, though i'd appreciate it if you didn't call me a condom."

"What?"

"You called me a dickbag. Condoms are rubber bags for dicks."

"Just find the fucking sword." He looked pretty agry now, and I decided that going any further might lead to some serious danger once that sword was found. So, I did what I had to do and crawled under the bushes.

After a couple minutes of painful twig pokes, I found the sword and returned to daylight. I tossed it to Kanda and he turned to leave. Like I was gonna let that happen.

"HEY PRETTYBOY." I yelled (yes yelling was necessary). He whiped around and had the tip of his sword in my face faster than I thought possible.

"What did you just call me?"

"Pretty... because you are extremely attractive and I would like to take you on a date tonight and possibly make out afterward... ehe." I knew that was pushing it, but hey I was about to be impaled anyway.

Kanda snorted. "In your dreams." Thankfully he lowered the sword. "and don't call me pretty."

He turned to leave yet again and I yelled "WAIT!" Prettyboy turned and glared. "I crawled around in bushes to get you your sword." I held up my scratched up arms. "I deserve a couple hours of date time."

"You're the one that threw it there, I owe nothing."

"I threw it there cause I thought you were gonna kill me."

"Fine." he growled (yes he really did growl it) "One hour at Sesame inn. Tonight at seven. You try to kiss me and you die."

"Deal." One touch free date would be fine for now.


	5. How to Charm an Ace With Bad Movies Chapter 1-Coffee and Crushes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of a humanstuck/college au (I think) JohnKat fic. This chapter was originally posted March 1, 2015.
> 
> Tags/warnings: Johnkat, erinep, ace john, humanstuck, college au, pale erikar, except not really bc humans don't have moirails, first person pov, multiple povs
> 
> Original Summary: Eridan likes Nepeta, Nepeta likes Karkat, Karkat likes John, and John just likes movies. Everyone's just a little hopeless, and trying their best to figure out that whole dating thing. Welcome to the lives of Humanstuck! Eridan, Karkat, and everyone else. It'll get a bit chaotic, but always be fun. it will also abound in Johnkat :3

"GOOOD MOOORNIING KAAR!" I glance up to see my best friend looming over my table. I watch as he then proceeds to drop his bag, fall into the chair next to me, cross his legs, and turn to lean across the table. He grinnes at me, and I roll my eyes. Some days I want to rip that lopsided smirk off his face, along with the stupid purple tuft in his hair. Still, it's better than his pouting.

"What do you want Eridan? Can't I drink my fucking coffee in peace?"

"Forget the coffee Kar, I'm serious this time!"

"Serious about what exactly?"

"Finding you a girlfriend of course. It's time you start living like one of your movies."

"Shut up about my movies dude, and why does it have to be a girl? And why right now?"

"It has to be now Karkat, because I'm having a good week and I have the energy to play matchmaker."

"Which you suck at." I interrupt. The morning was NOT going the way I had wanted.

"Oh shut up Kar. And anyway, finding you a girlfriend is just easier."

"Why?"

"First of all, it's a mathematical fact there are more girls that might be interested in you than anyone else. It's a lot easier finding someone a straight girlfriend than a gay boyfriend. There are just more of them. It's a percentage game."

"Who cares," I mutter, but Eridan continues without pause.

"And secondly Kar, cute girls are so much easier to find than cute guys. I mean look around. How many gorgeous wwomen do you see?"

I look around the outdoor cafe. I'm Glancing at the other students drinking coffee, at the businesswomen walking past on the sidewalk, and at the crowd of teenage girls by the fountain. They all seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. "A lot," I admit. "Pretty much every girl here."

"EXACTLY!" said Eridan. Then he loweres his glasses and looks at me. "Noww how many gorgeous guys do you see?"

I look around. There was the awkward stumbling waiter serving someone a pastry, there was the crowd of college jocks colonizing a cluster of tables, there were the businessmen walking past. They were all pretty cute too, but it would probably be easier to play along. "Pretty much none." I mutter. Eridan closes his eyes and nods slowly. He had made his point. "Although," I continued, "There is that one cute one over there." Eridan's eyes jerk open in surprise.

"Wwhich one?"

"The one with the shopping bags."

"That guy?"

"No the OTHER one."

"Oh hiiiim." Eridan examines the boy for a moment. He looks about our age, average height, and pretty skinny. He has on a t-shirt and shorts, carries a plastic shopping bag from the local movie store, and has messy black hair. "Well..." Eridan begins, "He's all right. Those glasses are a little much though." Sure enough, the boy I had pointed out was wearing extremely thick square glasses that had somehow escaped my notice.

"Wwell, if you like him he's good enough." Without warning Eridan stands, grabs my wrist, and drags me toward the boy that was about to walk past our table. He then proceeds to shove me into the aforementioned cute boy.

The world spins for a moment, and I open my eyes to find myself laying on top of the now extremely flustered boy.

Three seconds later I'm blushing bright red, attempting to hand him his glasses (somehow unharmed), and muttering a combination of, "I'm so sorry," and "my friend is a nutcase." once his glasses are safely returned to his face, the boy leans back on his hands and grins, still blushing a little. "Was that my fault?"

"No no definitely not." I reassure him. "My friend's just a nutcase shitsponge is all. He just kinda shoved me into you."

"Oh... good I guess. Nice insult by the way. I'm John." He sticks his hand out towards me

" Thanks I guess. I'm Karkat." I stare at his hand for a moment before realizing I was supposed to shake it, which I do, albeit awkwardly.

As we both stand up, I turn and glance at Eridan. He flashes me an exasperated look and mouthes the words "get on with it."

I turn back to John and mutter something about pizza and a date.

"Huh?" he replies. "I'm sorry but I have no idea what you just said."

Blushing furiously I start talking again. "I was just wondering if maybe... maybe you wanted to get pizza or see a movie or do something sometime... maybe."

He looks at me for a second, before a look of recognition appears in his eyes. "Oh." he said. "Are you asking me out?"

I can see that it isn't going to go my way. Fuck Fuck Fuck. The massive idiot alarm is going of in my head. "NO!" I blurt out. "I mean yeah... I guess I am."

John looks at the ground, obviously embarrassed. Oh god I'm an idiot. "You see," he begins. "I'm flattered and all, it's just that I'm not..." he trails off and blushes an even deeper red. "I should go."

He stumbles a few yards away before turning back to me. "I'm sorry. That was harsh wasn't it?" My eyes widen in surprise. "You seem pretty cool. I really do have to go right now, but if you wanted to hang out sometime..."

"Of course!" I blurt, without even thinking. "I was being a spazzmuffin before." Then after regaining some degree of composure, "Hanging out would be cool."

"Nice! I'll meet you here tonight." He walks off to nearly the edge of the plaza, before turning and yelling, "And bring your crazy friend too!" I watch him disappearing into the crowd on the sidewalk.

As soon as he's out of sight I collapse into the chair behind me, and Eridan walks over with my coffee.

"So howw'd it go?"

"He's not into guys."

"Like hell he isn't. He looked totally into you."

"I'm serious dude, It's a no go. We're just hanging out. He told me to bring my friends."

Eridan blows a stray strand of hair from his face. "I suppose it's true then. Maybe it's for the best. Wwe'll be lovveless together." He sighs and pouts slightly, "I suppose I'll have to come with you tonight then."

"Who said I was taking you?"

"The fact that I'm your best friend said so. And besides it's either me, the nutcase clown that's perpetually high, or the biggest asshole to ever wwalk the Earth. I don't think you ww3ant your crush meeting Gamzee and Sollux the first time you hang out. They don't make a very good first impression."

I glare at Eridan for a minute before sighing. "Fine Britface I admit defeat. You can come." I raise an eyebrow at him, "I don't think Sollux is THAT much of an asshole though."

"He is. I have no doubts about that."

"Whatever scarfdouche"

"Midget"


	6. How to Charm an Ace with Bad Movies Chapter 2-Nepeta's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the one Homestuck fic in this collection. This chapter was first posted March 21, 2015.
> 
> additional tags/warnings: one sided nepkat, a lot of texting

_HEY NEPETA, CAN I GET SOME ADVICE?_

_:3 sure. what's up?_

_I NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE. AND ERIDAN'S NO HELP._

_:3 of course that guy's no help. He nefur is. But why do you think I would be able to help with relationship stuff? I've nefur dated._

I giggle at the concept of my hopeless crush asking me for relationship advice. I wasn't exactly doing so well in my own dating life, and this concept was just solidifying my status in the friend zone. Several minutes of pouting at the ceiling and thinking are required before I can check my phone again.

_I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE NEPETA! I'M DESPERATE. I MET THIS REALLY GREAT GUY. HE'S NICE AND REALLY CUTE AND I HAVE A MASSIVE CRUSH ON HIM, BUT HE SAYS HE DOESN'T LIKE GUYS._

_IF I DON'T GET HELP WORKING THIS OUT THE FURY THIS SITUATION IS INDUCING IS GOING TO DISSOLVE ME AND REPLACE ME WITH A GIANT PILE OF SCREAMING ASSHOLES._

_LIKE WHAT HAPPED TO FRECKLE FACE AFTER FEFERI TURNED HIM DOWN_

_SHIT. NOT THAT FRECKLES ARE A BAD THING NEPETA SORRY. I'M JUST PISSED. A TOTAL PISSLORD._

_WAIT NO FUCK THAT'S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS. I'M SUCH AN ALL POWERFUL DICK-FOR-BRAINS IT'S PATHETIC_

_…_

_I SHOULD STOP RANTING NOW._

_:3Sorry karkitty I got distracted._

_:3 but geez...you're not any of those things Karkat. You're great._

I consider coming clean about it about it right then and there. Telling Karkat that I love him. Telling Karkat that I want to marry him. But then, I already know what the answer to that would be. I wonder if this is irony. I never really understood it, but the person I've crushed on for years asking for help getting over a hopeless crush, well that sounds pretty ironic.

_I'M HARDLY WHAT I WOULD CALL GREAT..._

_:3 nope! you're great Karkitty! No question about it. You're great and funny and cool and a lot of things that are good. No, scratch that. things that are great!_

_:3 you're the catnip of people, that absolute tops!_

_:3 That's why I love you!_

I stare at the screen in horror as I realize what I've typed. Impulsiveness is truly a curse. Time for a quick save.

_:3 That's why EVERYBODY loves you._

_NOT EVERYONE LOVES ME._

_I DON'T_

_I HATE MYSELF_

_:3 well you shouldn't you self concious dork!_

_:3 the good kind of dork I mean!_

_:3 if what you said before is true, then just try to be friends._

_:3 you still get to be around the person you like so much, and you get used to it after a while. It's pretty fun really. Putting friends fur-st._

I feel bad saying that, since I know exactly how the friendship with a crush thing goes. I want to go back yell in all caps to go after him, but I can't. Thank gog he responded before the impulse change my mind won over.

_MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT..._

_I'LL GIVE IT A TRY_

_THE WHOLE FRIENDS THING._

_I'M SEEING HIM TONIGHT._

_:3 good luck Karkitty ^^_

I sigh to myself and search up equius's number on my phone. That went terribly, and it's times like this when I need a friend.


	7. A Diary of Loves and Wanderings-Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of a particularly weird DGM au that featured Kanda and Lenalee as children wandering around together in a bleak fantasy world. Also Kanda was reincarnated magically from a skeleton because second exorcist bullshit, but fantasty. Don't ask. 
> 
> This chapter was originally posted November 5, 2015.
> 
> Tags/warnings: alternate universe:fantasy world, alternate universe:children, written in diary form, first person pov, major character undeath, meaning he starts dead and comes back to life.
> 
> Originally summary: Lenalee is an outcast in the great empire. After accidentally resurrecting a boy called Kanda with a curse called innocence, and being cursed as well, the two set off wandering together to nowhere. On the way there, they meet many odd companions including the clumsiest woman alive, the heir to the bookman clan, and a boy they find left for dead on a cross.

Dear Diary,

My name is Li-Na Li. An old woman told me I should spell it lenalee. It sounds flowy that way. I like it. I found you abandoned on the ground in the rain. Your'e kinda wet, but pretty okay. Thank you diary.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I found two skeletons on the ground in the desert. They were very old, and the bones were white because of the sun. The sand around them was a weird gray color, and it looked almost purple in the night. It was scary, so I left. Thank you diary.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I went back to the skeletons today. It's less scary during the day. I noticed that they were holding hands. Probably a couple once. The taller one was holding a sword. In the daylight, the bodies were sad instead of scary.

I sat there for a while, and I saw that the old sword looked less rusty than before. I watched it close, and something that looked like a feather peeled off of the blade. It floated through the air and stuck to the tall skeleton's arm. Real slowly, more feathers started coming off the same way, until the sword just suddenly burst open into feathers like a flower, and they made a thick curtain in the air. The same thing had started with the of bones too. That time, the feathers looked like they were coming from the person's arm bones.

The feathers weren't only in some bits then. They had almost totally covered the bodies. The wind from it brought up so much sand, I had to close my eyes and turn away. When I looked back, the skeletons were gone. Where they were, there were two bodies that looked kid sized. They were wrapped up like mummies, but the bandages looked more like feathers.

That was real scary, so I left. Thank you diary.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I haven't had much food. It's been a long time since I wrote anything, but I had to leave. I missed my house. I'm here now. I think I'll go back to where the skeletons used to be. Thank you diary

* * *

Dear Dear Diary

It's Lena. You were a faithful diary for a while. I'm glad I have you again. If it's alright though, I'd like to share you a bit. I have a life to write out, but it takes more than me to write it. I'm not all knowing. I love you in a way. Thank you diary.


	8. A Diary of Loves and Wanderings-Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 2 of the kanda & lenalee au
> 
> this chapter was originally published May 21, 2016
> 
> no new tags/warnings

I don't remember anything from before I woke up. I think there was some sort of nothingness, but it's all meaningless shit till I woke up.

Lenalee was there when I woke up. She was a bitch in a black dress then, but hell, it's my first memory. She's my first memory. Fuck grammar. She was a stranger. She had long hair.

At some point we talked. Apparently, she found me and the other body all wrapped up in feathers that looked like bandages. They flew all over when she got close. The other body was still wrapped up. Some of the feathers made shackles on my arms and her ankles. They were metal, not feathers, but it was hard to give a crap.

Some of the metal feather shit ended up on her ankles too. Still is for what it's worth. I went home with her. Beats being alone in the desert.

She had this cave thing under some boulders on the side of a hill. There was a metal chest buried in the ground. She had blankets and food and an old journal.

We slept there. We ate disgusting apples. She told me about her life and how she found me. My first dreams were about a woman named Alma. She was blonde. She was pretty. She was dead.

We stayed in the cave until her food ran out. Probably a couple days. She didn't really live there. She came back when she was tired, but mostly she stayed in town. It was on the horizon from where we were. The first walk there sucked ass. Magical skeleton children aren't born strong.

The stuff that was on me turned into shackles on her ankles. The ones on my arms hurt sometimes. She said hers were heavy. She walked fucking slow with them on at first, that's for sure.

It took a whole day to get to the town. She said it normally took half, but weird ass magical shackles are good at draining energy.

It was sunset when we got there. We slept in an alley on the edge of town. She said she wanted to be my big sister. I sorta liked the idea. I said yeah.


	9. Behind Allen's Mask Chapter 1-The Boy in the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter of the longest fic from my FFN days, a non-au Allen/Lenalee story. 
> 
> This chapter was originally published July 24, 2014. 
> 
> Tags/warnings: mostly canon compliant, some small deviations from the move to the new order building onwards, multiple povs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is currently also its own story both on here and on FFN, but I'm getting ready to replace it with a rewrite, hence the archiving here.

Lenalee ~

It was a cool night. The Autumn air was crisp and sharp in her lungs, the wind icy, with a promise of Winter yet to come. Lenalee sighed and looked around, filling her eyes with the sight of the familiar forest. It was the last time she would ever see this place, her lifelong home. The next day, she would be accompanying Allen and her brother to the new building.

"Allen," she murmured. She was afraid for him. The ability of the player was manifesting, he had been accused of a connection to the fourteenth noah. So many things had happened in so short a time. Her thoughts drifted to him so often. She always wanted to see more of him, to help him though the accusations against him. Perhaps what worried her wasn't losing the place she had grown up in after all. Perhaps she was worried about what changes may await in the new Order. For herself and her loved ones.

Her thoughts were interrupted then by a strong gust of wind, rattling her anklets. She looked down at them, and the dull reflection of moonlight they produced. Allen wasn't the only one who had changed. Lenalee smiled to herself, she had new-found strength of her own.

The wind had started to grow colder, and it carried the sound of rustling and movement. The girl turned her head, and was shocked when Allen appeared in front of her. He was slipping through the trees and the undergrowth at the edge of the clearing. He looked distracted, and he didn't appear to have detected Lenalee's presence.

"Allen?" The name slipped out of her mouth, quiet and surprised. Not too quiet though, it seemed, for he turned to face her, as surprised as she was.

Allen~

Allen was dreaming a terrible dream. The faceless figure of the fourteenth had reached out from his reflection and grabbed hold of his arm. Allen struggled desperately for freedom, but to no avail. He was pulled into the nightmare world beyond the glass. There he saw his fellow exorcists, his friends, lain out dead on the ground. In front of the bodies, there were two people standing just out of reach. He was forced to watch, frozen, as he saw a noah version of himself reach out to Lenalee and cut her throat. Then, in the way of dreams, his other self stood just in front of Allen staring into his eyes. The noah's eyes were cold and heartless. The exorcist felt a jabbing pain in his stomach, and his other self flash a wicked grin. "This is your fate," hissed the voice of the fourteenth from everywhere at once. "You will be taken over by hatred and disappear, and you will destroy everyone and everything that you hold dear.

Then Allen woke, bolt upright, and drenched in a cold sweat. The nightmares came almost every night, how could they not? But they never ceased to terrify him. He stood, and slipped on a shirt over his chest, bare but for the bandages that hid his wounds. He had been hurt worse than any of the other exorcists when the order was invaded. He had lied to his friends about the extent of his injuries, but he was still a few week from recovery. Fastening the buttons was slow and difficult at that point, but he managed.

The boy slipped out of his room in silence, careful not to wake the inspector. He walked a little ways down the hallway, and stopped to lean back against the wall. The castle was silent and calm, and the peaceful atmosphere help to quell the feeling of nightmare horror in his head. He decided not to visit the kitchen as he normally did on sleepless nights. Instead, he decided to sneak outside. The cool night air had always done well to clear his head.

Afraid of being caught by the sounds of the elevator, Allen had no choice but to stumble down countless flights of stairs. A wall of cold air hit him as soon as he left the stairwell, causing the exorcist to gasp like someone had hit him. Nevertheless, the cold air served its purpose in clearing Allen's head. He sighed as the last of his terror faded away. Once his mind was calm and his lungs were adjusted, he made his way out toward the walls.

There was a hidden door in the wall surrounding the castle. It was nearly invisible from the outside, and it could only be opened from the inside. Allen supposed it must be some sort of escape route. Allen had slipped out before, using a nearby stone to prop the door open for his return. That night however, the door was already open. It was held with the same stone allen had used previously. Slipping through the narrow opening, he reminded himself to be cautious of other people in the forest.

After some time wandering alone, Allen loosened his caution. His legs led him deep into the forest, further than he had ever ventured before. It wasn't long before his mind started to wander as well.

He thought of his dream, and of Lenalee. Many deaths haunted Allen's eyes when he slept. Some, memories of horrors witnessed in the waking world. Others, were terrifying premonitions of deaths yet to come. They were of his own death, his friends' deaths, the order's destruction. Each time was more horrible that the last. The visions of Lenalee were always the worst. Her deaths were the most violent and terrible, enough so to haunt Allen well into his waking hours. . It was no mystery why. Allen had known exactly how he felt about her since their reunion in Japan. She was a constant presence in his mind, and she cared enough to seek out the emotions he kept hidden. She saw through his act of bravery, and she was just so beautiful. Allen's heart had never stood a chance.

A branch brushed his face snapped his mind back to the present. He had somehow wandered into a thick clump of trees, but there was something that looked like a clearing ahead of him. Checking that he was still alone, he turned sideways and slipped between the trees. His eyes stayed fixed on the forest behind him. Then a single word broke through his silence, so quiet he barely heard it. He spun around and found himself staring at the face of all his dreams and of all his nightmares, Lenalee Lee.


	10. Behind Allen's Mask Chapter 2-Glimpsing Behind the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally published July 26, 2014
> 
> Tags/warnings: emo shit, discussion of suicide, minor spoilers, aka stuff about the 14th

~Lenalee

"Allen!" came her voice a second time, "What are you..."

"I couldn't sleep," came his reply. He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I guess now I know who had the door open, huh?"

Lenalee stifled her surprised face, and smiled back at him. "I guess so, I couldn't sleep either." Her heart was still racing. Why had Allen chosen that moment to appear? She had been so lost in thoughts of him, but the sight of the real thing sent her heartbeat fluttering and her mind doing back-flips. She had never reacted that way to him before, but something felt different in the air around them, as though everything around them had tensed up with anticipation.

Lenalee shook her head once to clear away the rampaging thoughts. She manged to choke out a sentence in a voice that sounded normal enough. " If you've been walking around out here as long as I have, maybe we should both sit." She gestured to a fallen tree at the edge of the clearing. Allen nodded and smiled, sitting down on one end. Sitting down close beside him, Lenalee found herself disappointed when her fellow youth shifted away, giving her space as always.

They sat in silence for several moments, and Lenalee felt as though she could feel the absence of sound swirling around them, enveloping them. Still, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, she could sense that Allen was relaxed, and she striven to do the same.

The girl's head turned to the person beside her, and her head filled with thoughts of him for the second time that night. He always tried to be such a gentleman towards everyone, especially herself. There were moments when it slipped, like when she woke up to be reunited with him in Japan. Yet, he was always trying to be polite, to give her space. He never seemed to think that might want to be close. Lenalee knew that people noticed her. It was only natural, she supposed, with the skirt on her uniform, but she didn't have a choice about that. She new that Lavi had a slight crush on her, although he had crushes on many people. Allen was different. Lenalee wanted with every shred of her existence that Allen would notice her, that he would be less polite, because she wanted to be closer to him. It was so different on missions, she thought. He had taken her hand, he had held her in her terror of the fallen one, he caught her when she fell in the ark. But when they were home and the stress was over, he would always keep his "polite" distance, he would barely meet her eyes. Why did he have to be so-

"Lenalee," Allen's voice broke the silence, cutting the girl's thoughts short. Lenalee turned to face Allen, and found him staring into the stars, his silver eye glimmered softly in the moonlight.

"Lenalee, can you promise me something?" His words surprised Lenalee. He turned to face her, and smiled the saddest smile she had ever seen. Her eyes widened as he continued in a soft voice. "I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know who the fourteenth is, or why I'm connected to him, and it scares me. If anything ever happens to me, if I ever do **anything** against you or the order, I want you to stop me. Or at the very least, let me stop myself."

The girl stared in shock, at what had been revealed to her. The piece of darkness that Allen had let slip from his heart was greater than what she had ever imagined. "Allen, I can't"

"Please," he interrupted again. "Just promise not to stop me from doing what needs to be done, if that time comes. I don't know what the fourteenth has to do with me, and I don't know what will happen in the future. I just need to know somebody will be on my side, and will let me do what I have to."

Lenalee looked into Allen's eyes, and saw closed her own. She reached down, and her fingers of her left hand brushed one of the bands circling her ankles. She felt the coolness of the metal, and the deep power that coursed within them. As she shifted her right, she felt the rough bark of the fallen tree below her palm. Ancient, but dying, it's energy fading. The very opposite of what she had felt with her other hand. The sensation of the difference, and the sharp tension in the air, seemed to supercharge her senses. She breathed two words, but felt the weight of a thousand more lift from her shoulders. "I promise."

Lenalee watched as Allen slipped slowly into a gentle smile, a contrast to the sadness in his eyes. Still, for the first time that night, his expression looked sincere. She watched as his left hand reached forward, and rested his fingertips on her own. "Lenalee, th-"

"ALLEN WALKER," someone shouted from far off, shattering the peace around them. Lenalee's heart sank as Allen pulled his hand away, and turned his head back toward the castle, in the direction the voice had come from. His face changed quickly, melting back into the falsely playful smile he wore so often.

"Sorry Lenalee," he said with a laugh too obviously fake, "it looks like Link noticed I was gone. I should go before he gets mad and finds your brother."

Lenalee nodded, remembering that Allen was under constant surveillance by an employee of central. "I'll wait a few minutes before going back, so we don't both get in trouble." In her head, Lenalee knew that the smile she wore must look as fake as Allen's. As he stood and turned the away from her, Lenalee felt her heartbeat move faster. She wanted to do something, to say something, before he left. She wanted to do something with her fluttering heartbeat, instead of simply ignore it.

Without thinking, she ran a step forward, and took Allen's hand. He turned, openly surprised and off balance, stumbling forward. Completely lost now in her storm of emotions, Lenalee turned her head up, and kissed Allen just as he caught his balance facing her.

Her lips brushed against the boy's for only a fraction a moment, before her common sense regained itself. She stepped back, and saw Allen's face flushing redder and redder. Her heartbeat multiplied ten thousand times, and her own face was hot. Yet somehow, beneath the raging torrent of emotions, she was strangely calm. Looking at Allen, she smiled playfully, and spoke, "Goodnight. Allen." Then she slipped into the trees.

Allen~

Allen Walker was panicking. Lenalee Lee, the kindest, strongest, most beautiful person he had ever met, had just kissed him. "L Lena l lee," he choked on her name, before realizing that he was alone. She was long gone, disappeared into the trees, leaving him alone. He was torn between being glad she hadn't seen the extent the confusion, and disappointed that he hadn't had the time to... to what? Allen yelled at himself inside his head. He had been too shocked to move, let alone react. Then there was the issue of Lenalee's brother. Suddenly the boy was thankful he had left Timcampy asleep in his room. If Komui found out... Allen let out an involuntary shudder.

"Walker!" for the second time that night, Link's impatient voice shook him from the haze that enveloped his mind. Allen turned to see Link crashing through the thick trees at the edge of clearing. "What?" began link, brushing stray leaves and creases from his uniform, are you **doing** here?

The white haired youth shrugged slightly, "I couldn't sleep, I thought fresh air might clear my head. In any case, I was heading back." He turned before Link had a chance to lecture him further, and slid back between the trees, and set off back toward the castle.

What had happened back in that clearing? Why had Lenalee... It was no use. Every time he tried to think about what had happened, his heart started beating like a wild animal trying to escape from his chest, and his thoughts spun into some giant whirwind in the back of his mind. He considered finding her again, going to her room, but what would that accomplish. He couldn't say anything important with Link around, and if her brother caught him in her room at night...

Then there was the promise he had asked for. Everything he had said to her, was it true? He had never thought about it before, but the words were slowly becoming true in his mind. There was no way for him to be sure of his future anymore, or of what would happen to him. He could at least rest easy knowing that Lenalee would support him, no matter what he had to do.

Allen laughed to himself, he had come outside to get rid of the confusion of his dream, but it had only been replaced by a different sort of confusion. Still, the images in his mind now, of Lenalee sitting next to him, outlined in the moonlight, were much more pleasnt. As he walked, he felt the confusion slowly lifting. He would decide how to thank her, how to react, next time they were alone. It was useless thinking about it until then. He would just smile and act like nothing had happened between the two of them.

So Allen Walker returned to the castle, in the knowledge that he had given his first love a piece of what haunted his heart, and she had returned it with a promise and a kiss.

I appologize that if this chapter was extremely cheesy. I did try, but I'm an inexperienced writer. Hopefully the next one will be better.


	11. Behind Allen's Mask Chapter 3-The Crack in His Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally published July 28, 2014. 
> 
> no new tags/warnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It isn't explained well in-text, but this chapter is starts right after Allen speaks with Cross and finds out he's the 14th

Allen~

Allen's head was spinning. All the terror of all of his nightmares was there in his mind, but what had just happened was no dream. He sat slumped against the wall of the room he was supposed to be changing in. Without of hope of rationing his thoughts long enough even to button his shirt properly, it hung from him, limp, and far too thin to protect him from the coldness of the stone wall. The boy tilted his head upward, staring into the patchwork of cracks in the ancient ceilling. "he," he laughed to himself, "So that's why I could see him before." Laughing sadly to himself, Allen continued on in his mind.

I suppose a part of me must have known this was coming. There were all those nightmares about being a noah. But, killing someone I love... he thought of his nightmare, of his other self killing Lenalee. The gruesome images filling his mind. "No!" he yelled to nobody, clutching his head and shaking it harshly. "I'd die before I'd..." he laughed again and murmered, "I'd die." He remebered the words he had blurted out to Lenalee the night before. Maybe a part of him really had known this was coming. Still, what he had said was even more important now. Allen struggled to stand up without shaking and finished getting dressed. He had to see her.

Wearing his new uniform, Allen looked considerably better. His purpose of seeking out Lenalee focused his mind, and kept his outer appearance from betraying the turmoil inside his head. A few minutes later he found her, asleep on a couch, with Johnny slumped against her. The sight of her face helped to further calm the chaos inside of him. Taking the blanket from it's place on the arm of the couch, he draped it over Lenalee and Johnny. Then Lenalee stirred slightly, and looked up at him.

"Allen?!" Lenalee's voice sounded suddenly.

"oh!" Allen was surprised at his own voice. Despite his surpise at Lenalee suddenly breaking the silence, his voice sounded calm enough. There was no trace of the shaking, tormented sounds that he had let out in that room alone. His eyes slipped to the side, he really was good at hiding his emotions.

"Where's my brother..." came Lenalee's shaky voice, not entirely awake. Allen smiled at her, or did is best too.

"He's still in there talking." after a moment he added, " you shouldn't move much Lenalee, you'll wake Johnny."

She nodded as Allen sat down beside her. The boy was painfully aware of how close they were. Their shoulders, their sides, were pressing against each other, with only the fabric of their uniforms between them.

"Allen?" came Lenalee's voice for a third time. Once again pulling him from his thoughts. "Your cheek, it's swollen." Surprised, Allen brushed it with the tip of one finger. Then he remembered.

"Yeah," he murmered, and more loudly, "My master hit me." Allen realized that Cross had hit him harder than he had realized. Even through his glove, his left cheek felt swollen and hot.

"Are you okay?" she sounded so concerned for him. Remebering the burden of the promise he had placed on her the night before, he forced himself into a half smile.

"yeah." was all he could manage. Allen felt his forced smile slipping. His real expression showed for just a moment. It was becoming harder and harder to hide his emotions from Lenalee. Even when he hid himself so carefully, she seemed to always find cracks in his mask of smiles. She always seemed to notice when his mind was off-kilter. Maybe that was why he liked her. Still, it was no good to worry her. Allen let his suddenly heavy eyelids droop. "It's nothing." he murmered, and felt Lenalee's head lean against his shoulder. Slowly, his head slumped against hers, and they both drifted into deep, dreamless sleep.

Lenalee~

Lenalee awoke slowly. Her eyelids fluttered open and closed, as she struggled to lift herself from the haze of a deep sleep. Then slowly, she realized where she was. She, Johnny, and Allen had all fallen asleep on the couch where she had waited the night before. Johnny had fallen asleep with his head in her lap. She herself, the girl realized, was leaning on Allen. Not wanting him to know she was awake, she looked up at him without moving her head.

Allen looked unlike how she'd ever seen him. There was no trace of the smiling face she knew so well. His eye's drooped only open in slits. His expression look mourful, desolate, he stared into space, as though he was deeply lost in thought. He turned his head ever so softly, and looked at her with a soft smile. Lenalee finnally moved then, she stirred her head and brought her eyes to meet his.

"Allen," she whispered, and watched as his eyes slowly returned to the world around him, from whatever other place they had inhabited.

"Lenalee," he murmered, "When did?" he broke off, as though unsure what to say next. The girl watched as his saddness slipped from his face, replaced by a calm demeanor. However, it didn't seem false. For that moment, Allen looked as in peace as she felt, staring into each other's eyes. Then his eyes slipped from hers, and for a moment that same sadness slipped through, before being replaced by the slightest smile. Lenalee couldn't tell this time if it were real or false. Somehow, it felt like both. "We should get up," came Allen's whispered voice again. He nodded to the sleeping form on the other side of them, and added, "before we wake him."

Still lost in the mystery of Allen's shifting appearance, she could only nod as he stood up. She gently slid Johnny's head from her lap, and joined Allen standing by the window. After watching the remnants of the previous night's storm slowly drizzle down from the sky for a moment, she turned to watch the figure beside her. Her eyes skimmed over his snow white hair, and the cursed crimson red scar that trailed down the side of his face, across his eye. She then realized that she still didn't know the truth about his scar, although she had known him for almost a year. The cursed mark was there every time she looked at him, yet, after the first time she saw it, she never really noticed it again till now. Did it have something to do with Mana, the unknown person who seemed to fill his memories. Allen spoke volumes about the man in his eyes, and in his silent whispering memories, but never outloud.

His past must have been painful. Even her brother, who had witnessed the night of his curse through the memory of Allen's golem, refused to tell her. He said it was something Allen should say for himself. Who was this person standing beside her? This strange, brave, beautiful person who she had been so enchanted by. Lenalee was surprised herself. Enchanted? Was that really how she felt? She looked into the eyes of the boy next to her. The eyes that ussually glimmered so brightly, but were now dulled with sadness and, was it, confusion. She remebered her sudden panic two nights previous, where she had given her first kiss to this boy, lost in a flurry of emotions. Yes, she realized. Lenalee Lee was completely enchanted by Allen Walker. She wanted to know him. She wanted to know the mystery of the curse that he had so embraced to fight with. She wanted to know why his hair was white, and why his eyes looked so sad. She wanted to know the truth about his memories, and what drove him to fight so hard. Yet, more than enything, she wanted to know what he thought of her, and why he hadn't mentioned the fleeting kiss.

She sighed, and lost herself once more in his silver eyes.

Allen~

Allen could feel Lenalee's eyes on him. He stared out the window, watching the last remnants of the rainstorm, and he felt her eyes, staring at his scar. Aside from Kanda, none of the others mentioned his hair or his scar anymore, and at times he could forget how different he looked from normal people. His arm too. His skin, even his nails, were jet black, and the black faded off at his shoulder in a pattern like some elaborate tattoo. He was used to being stared at, but it felt different with Lenalee. He wanted to appear normal to her, he wanted to hide his flaws.

He'd have to tell her someday of course, about the scar, and the curse. If it was Lenalee, maybe he'd even tell her about Mana. He would have to tell someone eventually, and he knew Lenalee would understand.

Then he remembered what he had vowed to do next time he was alone with Lenalee. How could he tell her, make her understand what he wanted her to? She made his head spin when he was calm, and brought him back to earth when his head was spinning. Her kiss that night had shattered him, and put him back together at the same time. Maybe that was it. Her kiss had only been a brief moment. Their lips had only brushed, and with anyone else, it could almost have been and accident.

Then Allen's body seemed to move on its own, as though controlled my some ancient memory. He turned to Lenalee, and she looked up at him, surprised. His arm slipped around her, and he gently pulled her closer to him. He saw her deep violet eyes glimmering with surprise and enchantment, and he lost the last bits of his rational thought. His terror of her brother no longer mattered, nor his fear of being rejected by her. He moved his head, and slowly brought their lips together.

Lenalee~

Lenalee was shocked, ten thousand things swirled in her head as Allen's lips pressed against hers. Her eyes slipped closed, and her mind seemed to disappear entirely, as if rational thought was no longer possible. All too soon, after only a few brief seconds, although each second could have been an eternity, their lips parted. Allen's face remained close to hers, as he pulled her closer, and whispered softly.

"Thank you Lenalee," came his voice, barely audible, "for everything." Without meaning to move them, Lenalee felt her own arms encircle Allen, and in that instant, their lips met again. This kiss was different, however. It wasn't just the meeting of their lips. After a moment, Allen's mouth seemed to open against hers, ever so slightly. For a moment, his tongue seemed to brush against her lips, and her eyes snapped open in surprise.

Then suddenly, before she could react, he wasn't there anymore. The gentle arms that had encircled her until a moment before were gone suddenly. She saw Allen standing several feet away, looking as surprised as she felt. His face flitted through so many emotions, and for a moment, he seemed completely panicked, and unsure. Then his face stopped, and he suddenly looked so apologetic, regretful.

"Lenalee I" He broke off as she stepped closer to him. He refused to make eye contact. "I'm sorry." and then more quietly, "I should go." his eyes still on the ground, Lenalee watched in confusion as he turned and fled the room, his eyes on the ground.

Lenalee's eyes were still wide. Allen, the mystery she had been so enchanted by, had kissed her. Not just the meeting of their lips, she realized. He had been searching for a deeper kiss, and in her surprise, she had refused it, and driven him away. She was tempted to run after him, to tell him that it was all right, that what he had done wasn't wrong, but her feet felt glued to the ground.

Suddenly she felt ashamed. She had wasted the moment, that she had longed for. A moment alone with the person she cared so much about. A chance to show him how much she cared. No longer able to stay in the room, she fled, as quickly as she could. After a moment of running, she caught herself. Her brother couldn't see her in that kind of panic. She leaned against the wall, until she had caught her breath and her senses.

After a moment, she looked back at the room she had come from. Where Johnny lay fast asleep, and where the rain was dying away past the wide windows, and where Lenalee had lost her chance at her first real kiss. Then she turned towards the other hallway. The path leading to a new building, a new chapter of life, and possibly, to Allen. Lenalee Lee turned, and continued down the hall, away from where she had come.


	12. Behind Allen's Mask Chapter 4-From the Boy in the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally posted July 31, 2014. 
> 
> tags/warnings: short as shit, weird references to a nonsensical headcanon I used to have that we're not gonna get into

Allen~

The moment Allen regained his rationality, he found himself kissing Lenalee. Not like the kiss she had given, him, however. He felt himself searching for a deeper kiss. Confused and lightheaded, he stumbled back from Lenalee. His face shifted through a thousand emotions all at once, as what had just happened came pouring into his mind.

His body had moved on it's own, caught up in some ancient instinct, some deep hidden memory. He hadn't even known how to kiss until he had kissed her. He could feel the knowledge in his mind, just out of reach. It would surface again though, Allen supposed, the next time he found himself kissing someone.

Then the shame hit. His eyes slid to the floor, and he was finally aware of Lenalee's gaze, she was staring at him. He had kissed her. He had kissed Lenalee Lee, but she hadn't come close to kissing him back. She had stood there stiff and surprised. He felt his face flushing, ten thousand appologies were in his mind, but he couldn't bring his sorry eyes to meet hers.

"Lenalee I." he choked on the words. Was he really sorry? His brain was yelling at him. Wasn't it worth the confusion and embarrassment, to kiss the girl he loved? The modest part of his mind fought back. He was wrong to have kissed her. She hadn't wanted the kiss, that much was obvious. "I'm sorry." He choked out the rest of his words. He then added, in a pathetic voice, "I should go."

After leaving the room as quickly as he could without running, Allen sprinted as soon as he was through the doorway, out of Lenalee's sight. He kept running until he reached the end of the long hallway, where he caught himself, panting. He swallowed hard, and forced himself to breathe slowly until his heartbeat was back to normal.

After several minutes, Allen felt his spinning head slowly return to Earth. Sighing, he stepped out into the main hall, went to go search for Link. It wouldn't have done any good to go back to Lenalee, he woulnd't have known what to say. The only thing he could do was wait, until he had a moment to appologize, and hope things turned out for the best.


	13. Behind Allen's Mask Chapter 5-The Dreams Under the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally posted in 2015. 
> 
> Tags/warnings: daydreaming, trippy nightmare shit

Allen~

It was late, and Allen was watching the rain. It had been weeks since he had kissed Lenalee. Since then, he had discovered many terrible things. The memories of the 14th had been implanted withing him. One day it would take him over. He remembered the terror of his nightmares of the 14th, and shuddered. The whole order knew he was a monster now. Everyone knew he was a Noah.

The next day, Allen and Lenalee were scheduled to go on a mission together. Allen hadn't dared to so much as look at her since that night, and now they would be spending several days alone, with only Link as company. Unable to sleep from worry, Allen had returned to the room where he had kissed Lenalee. He sat on the bench by the window, and stared into the dark oblivion beyond the storm.

"The fourteenth..." he whispered softly. It hardly mattered, he told himself, kissing a girl. Not when his very being might be erased at any moment, his body taked over by some unknown enemy. Yet, thoughts of Lenalee kept surfacing as specks of light over the darkness inside of him. He thought of the promise she had made to him that night in the woods. The very thought of her had a calming effect. Very slowly, Allen drifted asleep to the image of Lenalee's smile.

Lenalee~

Lenalee woke up tired. Her dreams were a distant for in her head, just beyond recognition, yet still so distracting. She would be leaving for a mission with Allen in a few hours. Allen! She breathed sharply. They hadn't spoken since the night he kissed her. Lenalee remembered that night, with all its pain and pleasure and embarrassment. The next day she had discovered the truth about Allen. A truth so terrible it should surly have cured her of her infatuation. Despite that, that day seemed like nothing compared to the night before it.

As she dressed Lenalee thought of Allen, and his mystery. From the beginning he had enchanted her, acting like such a gentleman, but holding such darkness within him. She remembered her promise from a certain starlit night. Her promise to help him keep himself from doing wrong. At the time, she hadn't thought anything would come from that promise... but now was different. Now everyone knew that Allen would one day be taken over by the fourteenth, and the possibility of helping him destroy himself was much realer.

Leaving her room, Lenalee shook away her dark thoughts, and headed to her brother's office. Instead, she focused on the mission ahead.

Allen~

A few hours after waking up, Allen was with Lenalee and Link in a private train compartment. Lenalee gazed out the window absentmindedly, and Allen happily lost himself in her eyes. They were deep violet, and glimmered like starshine. In the starlight of her eyes, Allen saw himself and Lenalee outlined. Their shadow figures sat together, and seemed to be talking. They stood and danced together in the ocean of violet, sending swirls of stardust flying around their feet. The figures leaned in close to each other, about to kiss. Then Allen's sillouette morphed into the grotesque image of the fourteenth, and snapped Lenalee's neck, before turning and laughing.

Allen snapped awake in a panic. He had drifted asleep, and his innocent daydream had turned into a nightmare. He recalled with terror the moment he had changed into the fourteenth, and shuddered.

"Allen?" Lenalee asked. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "I had an unpleasnt dream."

"me too. You woke me." then after a paused she continued, "I'd rather not talk about it."

"me neither." The two sat in silence for several minutes. Allen thought of his dream, and of the real threat it contained. If he got too close to Lenalee, she could get hurt. Still, some terrible hungry part of himself wouldn't let her go. She saw through his facade, and he loved her too much for it. "Lenalee," he whispered. "You have wonderful eyes."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."


	14. Behind Allen's Mask Chapter 6-Shattering the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally published in 2015.
> 
> tags/warnings: kisses are apologies now i guess, where tf is link

Allen~

An hour after the nightmare incident, Allen and Lenalee were trapped together in an alleyway and flanked by akuma on all sides. They were pressed back to back, panting hard. Allen could hear his pulse racing in his ears, and he could feel his sword growing heavier in his hands.

One demon raced at them suddenly, and Allen struggled to hold it back above them with his sword. He knew they would lose if things drew out any longer. He could hear the other demons moving closer to them beyond his vision. Just as he tensed himself to try and push away the demon he was holding back, Lenalee's pressure disappeared from behind him, and then she was grabbing his shoulders.

"Allen," she whispered. "do you have enough left to hold me up for a few seconds?"

"I think," Allen grunted. He was running out of strength fast.

The second he responded, he felt all of Lenalee's weight on his back. Her palms and her nails digging into his skin. Then he felt awe as he watched her flip gracefully above his head and dig her boots into the demon's face. Allen felt as though time had slowed in that second, and the world slowed to a crawl as Lenalee let go of him, and launched herself off of the akuma. She twisted ever so slowly through the air before landing on his arm, and Allen caught her millisecond glance before she launched herself up to the end of his sword.

"On the count of five!" Lenalee stared at Allen and he nodded in response. For the first time in a long while, he felt a sort of steady certainty. They could do this.

"One." Allen launched clown belt through the skull of the last level three.

"Two" Lenalee tensed herself against the surface of the sword.

"Three." Allen used his innocence to bolster his arm and support Lenalee

"Four." The exorcists met each other's eyes, and Lenalee gave him the slightest smile

"Five." Allen threw Lenalee forward as she launched herself away from him, and she hurtled feet first into the demon. As soon as she had damaged it, she lept back into the air, and Allen bound the level four's limbs with innocence. He lifted his sword over its head, and Lenalee hurtled down onto the handle as he thrust it through the demon's skull. Its head warped and bubbled before combusting with a sickening splat, and the rest of its body followed.

Allen grinned breathlessly at Lenalee, and she laughed as she returned his gaze. "worked even better than last time."

The boy laughed, "soon we'll be able to do it without nearly passing out." Allen's head was light and spinning. He was filled with adrenaline and giddy from victory, but he could already feel the consequences of his overexertion. His knees buckled without warning, and he colapsed into Lenalee.

Lenalee~

Lenalee gasped as Allen fell into her. He leaned against her body, arms around her neck. Ten thousand emotions wracked through Lenalee's brain. Shock and surprise at the sudden contact, fear and worry for Allen's well being, and somewhere deep down she was happy for the his closeness.

Before she could move or react, she heard a sharp intake of breath, and then Allen's weight was gone. He stumbled away from her, and looked as though he was fighting to stay upright.

They stared at each other, but Lenalee couldn't meet Allen's gaze. She could feel his eyes on her face, she could picture his sad, appologetic expression, but she couldn't meet his eyes. All of her twisted emotions had merged into one feeling. It was love. The girl's head was clouded with love and desire, and an absolute need to be closer to the boy in front of her. Despite the recognition of her feelings, she was afraid to move. Afraid that she would cry if she saw his face. Afraid that she couldn't take seeing that stiff mask he always wore, keeping her away from his real emotion. Her fear kept her from meeting his eyes, and then he whispered her name. He mumbled three sylables and nothing mattered anymore, except for closing the distance between them.

Her head was suddenly crystal clear, focused the way it was in battle. The pieces of her world fell away from her mind until one was left. She had one person to love above all else, to make up her world, to protect and to be protected by. Lenalee Lee half ran and half jumped until the distance between herself and her love was almost nothing. Then she looked up, and stared into his eyes.

Allen~

Allen Walker was standing very very close to the girl he was in love with. She was staring into his eyes, and he was staring at hers. He could see determination written on her face. There was determination and something else.

In that moment he was painfully aware of how open he was. His carefully buily mask was gone, and everything he felt was there for the world to see. Of course, the world was standing right in front of him, staring into his eyes. Then he decided that the world would just have to deal with Allen Walker for a minute or two. He flashed Lenalee a look of mischeif and pulled her against his chest in an embrace. He heard her gasp, and then she wrapped her arms around him and burried her head in his neck.

"Lenalee I,"

"Shut up."

"But I just,"

"I'm sure you have something very important to say Allen, but at the moment I couldn't care less."

Allen smiled sadly and leaned his head closer to Lenalee's. "I'm sorry Lenalee." His head was filled with ten-million regrets. He wished he had never kissed her, he wished he had never worried her, never avoided her, never burdened her with his fears on that first starlit night.

"I don't care Allen. I don't care what you think you did wrong, so just stop being sorry."

"One more apology, a different kind, and then we can let this die."

Allen watched Lenalee lift her head and look at him again. "One more, and then we go back to normal." She looked like she might cry.

There was something about her expression then, in the joy and the sadness and the trust. There was something that had Allen falling even deeper in love with her.

Lenalee~

There were a lot of things Lenalee was expecting Allen's appology to be. Maybe he would bow or offer to buy her something. Something kind but distant, something that fit with the gentleman act. What she wasn't expecting, was the sudden sensation of Allen's lips pressed against the skin next to her ear. She wasn't expecting a slow trail of kisses down her cheek, melting her thoughts into an incoherent mass of lovesickness and desire. She wasn't expecting her heartrate to triple as Allen traced circles with one thumb where he was holding her waist. Every move he made defied Lenalee's expectations, and she didn't want it any other way.

Then he wasn't kissing her anymore. He was looking her in the eye, and looking at her lips. Lenalee nodded ever so slightly, and Allen's lips pressed into hers. With her head spinning like a hurricane, Lenalee matched the way Allen was kissing her. It was slow and gentle and careful, but it was enough.

Lenalee felt like she was living in a daydream, but everything felt too real to be an illusion. Suddenly, she felt the urge to stretch that moment on for eternity. She pulled her lips away from Allen's with tears in her eyes.

"Allen," she was breathless and chokeing back sobs. "I don't want to go back to normal. I can't just go back and pretaend this never happened. You can't just kiss me and tell me to act like I still see you as nothing more than a friend!." Tears were streaming down her face, and part of her was ashamed for yelling.

"Lenalee. You kissed me."

"Well what did you think I was going to do?" She was practically screaming at that point. Her heart was racing and she felt sad and furious and exhilerated all at the same time.

"I thought... I didn't know you..." Lenalee had never seen Allen look so shocked. "I thought I would just kiss you one more time and appologize and let you bury this. I thought I made a mistake that other night. I thought you didn't-"

"Allen! You caught me by surprise that night. I wasn't mad! Just a little embarrassed." Lenalee felt like laughing. Their whole situation had been built on misunderstandings. Allen liked her! She would have been screaming for joy if the whole situation hadn't been so ridiculous.

"Lenalee," Allen was smiling. Allen was smiling happily and wholeheartedly for the first time in far too long. "We can be anything you want us to be, and I'd do anything to be with you like this again."

"Allen." Lenalee was giggling as she spoke, and she felt as though her heart was pumping out pure, undiluted joy. "You are a complete idiot, and it is very endearing." For a few seconds everything was perfect. They were both sitting neatly in their place in the world, and neither of them wanted anything to change. Then Lenalee watched the happiness bleed out of Allen's face.

"You know, they'll have us separated if anyone at the order finds out."

Lenalee felt herself reterning to reality in all if its coldness and harshness. Her life would never be a fairy tale. She knew the pit of darkness in Allen's heart better than anyone, and she understood every inch of his fear. "I know Allen, but you're worth any punishment central can give me."

Allen nodded, and Lenalee's heart fell as he smiled at her. She never knew someone could smile so wide and look so sad at the same time.

"In that case Lenalee, let's go find Link before he finds us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a long, convoluted author's note at the end of the original version of this about why Link wasn't with them, but honestly I do not think it matters.


	15. Behind Allen's Mask Chapter 7-A Short Time With No Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last, the end of the original Behind Allen's Mask (though it's not really the ending). I used to have grand designs for continuing the story past where the canon story left off for mega hiatus, but that's all a moot point now. 
> 
> additional tags/warnings: suddenly in first person, unadulterated fluff

~Lenalee

The way Allen and I picked up as normal when we left the alley, I could almost believe I had imagined the whole thing. We found Link, and made up some lie about why we had returned so long after the signs of battle had ended. Lying to like had become quite mundane, and I no longer bothered to remember what the lies were. My only affirmations that things had indeed changed were Allen's occasional playful glances. He would catch my eye and slip a small smile, or playfully mock something the inspector had said. Link seemed aware that we were joking about him, but he didn't appear to care.

When we finally returned to the station, we discovered that our train had been delayed and would not be arriving until the next day. Link turned his back and gestured for us to follow him. Just then, a large crowd spilled out from an arriving train. I lost sight of the others in the crowd. A moment later; however, I felt Allen's hand close around mine. A sigh of relief washed over me, and I allowed him to pull me through the crowd and toward another exit. I was sure it was him even if I couldn't see him. Nothing can quite match the exact bizarre feeling of Allen's left hand. It was definitely strange, but it wasn't a texture I disliked. Instead, I associated the feeling with the happiness its owner provided me.

Soon we were out of the crowds of the station, and Allen released my hand. He turned to face me, and I was filled with giddy nervousness at the thought of us exploring the city alone with him.

Allen~

I stood quite stiff for a bit longer than I should have when I turned to face Lenalee. I could see her anticipation replaced with confusion as I faltered. When we were in the station, my only thought was to find a way to be alone with Lenalee, and I had grabbed at the chance to do so without thinking. Now I was beginning to regret that impulsive decision. Then Lenalee smiled at me, and all of my uncertainty melted away. I smiled back and took her hand. I think I blushed a little, and she did too. The simple act of holding her hand felt much more intimate than our kiss had. I had held her hand before, but this feeling was something completely new. It was different, I supposed, because we weren't supercharged from the heat of battle. We were two normal people holding hands because we could, not exorcists on a battlefield. I wasn't holding her hand to help her walk, I was holding it for the simple pleasure of holding it. I think that's what made it feel intimate.

While I had been lost in thought, the two of us had wandered into a small but busy little square. I let go of her hand on impluse as we neared the crowd. She nodded at me. I was happy that she understood why I let go. Life felt simple and easy, as though the universe was bathed in the light, rosy aura of new love.  
We noticed that there was a small croud gathered on one side of the square. There was music flowing from the crowd. When we got closer, we saw that there was a street musician. A girl with long hair was playing a meloncholy song on a spanish guitar. A few young couples swayed to it, and the rest served as spectators. Lenalee grinned and giggled and pulled me through the crowd out to the dancers. I stumbled about trying to remember if I new any proper dances. Meanwhile Lenalee had managed to light up that little square like nothing else could. Her dancing was incredible.

The street musician noticed her, and switched to an upbeat, folksy sort of song. The other dancers stepped back with me into the crowd, and we were all happy to watch as Lenalee worked her magic. She spun and twisted and from the outside her body looked incredibly light and graceful. I knew she must be working hard, but that was impossible to tell.  
Without warning, she reached out and pulled me up to her. After faltering for only a fraction of a moment, she resumed pace. I held my new love as she twisted and spun about, but I soon found myslelf completely pulled into her rhythm. As we danced, I felt a feeling of giddy lightness settle over me, and the song ended far too soon.

As I left my dizzily joyous daze, the performer switched back to a slow song. Lenalee pressed her head against my chest, and everything in the world was good. I think the audience might have been applauding, but that didn't matter. Not really.  
That moment was so perfect, I didn't even mind when Link showed up. I didn't mind when he scolded Lenalee and I for standing so close together, even though he seemed to doubt our excuse for the situation. I don't remember what it was, most likely something stupid about being out of breath. In that moment, the only thing that mattered was Lenalee. For that moment, I managed to completely forget about the fourteenth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this scene was the first thing I ever came up with for this story-the mental image that inspired it all.


End file.
